Friday, May 21, 2010

Maybe, this time...

Most of my friends know, I'm a big believer in fate. I believe nothing happens just because and we are all placed in certain situations for a reason. My friends will also tell you that I have a tendency to slap fate in the face, hard. It'll try and send me in one direction and I'll kick and scream until I can force myself to go the other way. Apparently, I missed the lesson on listening in Kindergarten.

Anyways, I have to start making some big decisions (AGAIN). Like real-life big kid decisions that everyone dreads. I've already had to make some pretty life altering changes to my life this year so I guess I should be used to this. This time though, I'm going to be a lot more open and communicative. I'm not going to sit in my room, throw all the law school brochures on the ground and pick one. No. That didn't work so well this year so I'm going to try a different approach. A little background would probably be necessary for you to understand the choice I'm about to make.

Last year around February, I started receiving early admission decisions from the law schools I applied to. I applied to hundreds of schools because I had this ginormous fear that no one would want me. Definitely not the first time that's happened. Regardless, one of those schools was Oklahoma. No, I didn't just apply there because I thought it would be so ridiculously hilarious to tell people this little blonde Canuck went to school in Oklahoma. They actually sought me out in high school, speaking to me about a variety of their athletics programs - including soccer, swimming and rowing. I had just had my second knee surgery and was no where near willing to throw all my eggs into the sports scholarship basket so I passed and went to UofC instead. Good call on my part. My knee stopped working after second semester.

When it came time to apply to law schools, I was so freaked out about getting in that I applied to Oklahoma again. After harassing the poor Canada Post man for weeks, my first acceptance letter finally arrived and it was from Oklahoma. I couldn't believe it. I was going to law school. I ran back into the condo and started jumping up and down. Someone finally realized that this Canuck was ready for her chance, ready to take on the world. And then Teira started jumping up and down with me. We immediately sat down on the couch and started googling everything Oklahoma. Food, stores and most We were living in Siberia and needed some place warm to dream about. I wasn't even going to wait to hear back from any schools, I was going to Oklahoma.
Well, the Oklahoma love-fest vanished and as soon as more acceptance letters started flowing in, my dreams of skipping through the streets of Tulsa gradually disappeared. Teira and I started googling bigger and better places...and I eventually rejected Oklahoma's offer. There was this little part of me that thought I was making a mistake. I mean, the school offered me acceptance twice now and both times I was turning them down? This was me slapping fate in the face. Teira listened to my rants and we both knew my parents weren't really keen on me trekking down to Oklahoma City for 4 years. At the end of the day, I thought Virginia was the place for me.
Exactly one year later and I'm back where I started with Oklahoma being my first acceptance letter again. I have one year under my belt but I'm pretty sure none of my credits will transfer so I'm literally back at ground zero. But, being a strong believer in fate - I think this past year blessed me with one particular gift: Rachel. If you told me that I had to go through that entire experience again just to find Rachel, I would do it over and over and over. Sure, I had my heart torn in two (it's still pretty damaged) and met people I would rather not meet ever again...but through it all, I always had Rachel. If she's the gift fate granted me, then so be it. Every tear I've cried this year (and trust me, there have been a LOT of them) she's wiped away. She listens to every French Canadian rant I have, offering me words of comfort. She's watched boys plow me down with a truck and she's always been there to pick me back up again. This has been the toughest year of my life and the only reason I'm even standing is because of her. If she's all I am taking away from this past year, I am perfectly content with that (even ecstatic)!!

So, instead of waiting for my acceptance letters - I've decided to make a decision from the heart. I've turned Oklahoma down twice before, I'm not going to brush off fate a third time. Maybe this time, I'll stay... Oklahoma, here I come!!


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