Wednesday, June 16, 2010

For serious?

We all know how much of a reality tv. junkie I am. It's disgusting.

I mean, I just can't help it. I can't turn away. It's like Justin Bobby's greasy dreadlocks are pulling me in week after week. Olivia's constant attacks against my girl Whit or Kelly's belligerent terror against her staff...the DRAMA. Oh, how I love it.

What I don't love, however, is how my own life this past year has mirrored some of these ridiculous shows. While Alex was screaming at Jill last week on the Real Housewives, I really took what she was saying to heart..."You are in high school and while you're in high school, I'm in Brooklyn."

It's pathetic, but true. I just left a school that has more drama than it knows. For gosh sakes, it was LAW SCHOOL. I expected maturity and discipline, bureaucracy and diplomacy. Instead, I got selfishness and pure hatred. It disgusted me. It still disgusts me. I left that school months ago. Literally packed up my bags and didn't look back. Sure, I visited a few times but it was merely because of prior commitments I had made. Even then, I kept to myself and was afraid to roam the halls. I'm a tough as nails girl, but those kids at that school literally scare the crap out of me. They are not afraid to rip you to shreds for their own personal gain. It's appalling. I was raised in an all girls private boarding school and the drama I experienced these past few months is above and beyond anything I witnessed at the Castle.

From lies to anonymous letters, the stories I have could create an entire prime time drama on MTV. Having people you cared so much about spreading vicious lies about you? Doesn't that seem immature for someone over the age of 25? It makes me sick thinking I cared for these people and did everything in my power to ensure only the best for them. They're stuck in this adolescent time warp and it's really scary. The fact that my name is being dragged through the mud AGAIN is ridiculous. I was a quiet shy girl who didn't speak in class and kept to herself. How did I manage to garner this much attention? It's insane. I can't describe it.

I'm not a girl who retaliates or gets revenge. That's just not who I am. You can talk about me all you like, but I will NEVER return the favor. I try to see the best in people, but this is making it really hard. I feel like every time I turn another corner and start heading towards something great - these students knock me back and I'm stuck grasping for air. I can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't sleep. I did nothing wrong, and yet my name is being continuously hit. People I cared about, people I dated, people I considered best friends. It's despicable.

But, you know what? Fine. While they're stuck in high school, I'm going to continue doing the best I can with furthering my career. Yes, their words hurt more than any bruise can, but I'm going to keep brushing away these tears and standing strong. You don't know me, you don't know the person and I am, and truly - I'm not going to waste a single moment trying to explain it to you. My relationships with others, that's my business. You can keep assuming and making up these awful tales, but they're just that - stories. Your words hold very little merit and I need to keep reminding myself of that.

So while you're skipping along campus acting like a twelve year old, I'm going to be mature and ignore as best as I can. Yes, I will probably still burst into tears when I hear these awful stories...but I know I'm the stronger person here. I'm the one who is moving forward as best as I can. Nothing is going to stop me from moving on to bigger and better things. And to the people I considered friends believing these lies? Best of luck to you. I clearly didn't need you in my life.

Moral of this story: you stay in high school, and I'm going to stay in Ottawa.


TeiraMarie said...

Love this! Good for you. Stay strong, even though it seems impossible at times. You know who you are, and the people who really matter know who you are. You are the stronger one for this. :) love love love.

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