Thursday, August 19, 2010

no air

i never thought i'd say this, but i honestly might be at my breaking point.

for those of you who know what i've been through since november, lets just say they struck again and this time the hit was much harder (and that was just my Monday evening). it seems everyone i went through that experience with decided it was okay for me to take the biggest hit. so while they're off laughing, i'm sitting here alone & sobbing my face off.

the whole deportation issue has reached new levels and i'm really not sure i'm willing to fight to stay here in texas. this was supposed to be my fresh start, but i feel pretty alone most of the time. i'm a tough girl, but going at this by myself is too much. i've had to miss far too many classes this week to just try and stay in classes, but most don't understand nor do i expect them too. it's my issue, i get that. i'm not one to ask for help, but i'm drowning. i might be broken.

i feel like i'm whining, but all i want to do is scream at the world. how can someone take so many hits in one year? the irony of it all was that 22 is my favorite number so when i turned 22, i toasted my friends to a year of amazing opportunities. what a lie. this year has been nothing but hell.

the stress levels i'm enduring are out of this world and i'm just not sure it's worth it. the only bright light in all this is that i'm looking at flights to calgary for october and my best friend is home from korea in less than a week.

i hate ranting and complaining and leaning on others, but i'm at the end of my rope.

we all wear the scars we carry, but mine are just much deeper than others right now.

i need something positive to turn this around and i need it now.

3 comments:

Meghan said...

keep your chin up. it seems when it rains, it pours. just take everything one day at a time. things will fall into place. i heart you soo much! xoxoxoxox

M.G.T said...

Becs, think of everything that has happened to you this year. That was some tough shit. But guess what- it didn't break you and this won't either. You CAN do this and you WILL do this. I'm not quite sure what's going on with this deportation issue but I do know that you're stronger than they are. In the words of Kathleen Kelly from You've Got Mail: Fight. Fight to the death.

Noelle said...

I love you! I'll be home soon and we'll sort it out, like always!

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