Tuesday, August 24, 2010

oh, you again...

First off, this blog is a vent. Feel free to ignore if you want to. I just need to get this out in the open before my head explodes.

Obviously, turmoil and me have been great acquaintances this past year. Ups & downs and all-arounds, I've experienced every emotion known to man-kind. Yesterday, in negotiations class - we had to detail our personality traits to see the typical path we would take during mediation. I'm not really a collaborator or competitive (unless it's on the field), I tested as an accommodater. That means that I do whatever I can to make others smile. Whether it's ordering them flowers when their boyfriend breaks their heart or taking them away for a weekend, no matter what I'm going through - I always try to be their constant support.

But, I don't know when to stop. It's one of my faults. I'm a people-pleaser and do whatever I can to ensure that others are happy. Even if it means sacrificing my own happiness, I'll do it. Obviously, certain people take advantage of this giving spirit and often don't know when to stop. Whether its financial assistance or material objects, it can sometimes get out of hand. But, honestly? I'd rather suffer and have people happy than have them upset. It's like I feel they won't be friends with me if I just say, "enough is enough."

I don't mean this to be a 'rag' on friends deal, but it's something that unfortunately, my best friend Noelle and I have dealt with often. It's kinda the one thing we've both experienced that happens to us over and over and over again. We find friends, we're naive and offer the world and BAM, we get screwed over.

It happened last year with a student I went to school with and we ALL know how that turned out. Don't need to go into gory details. But, I'm afraid it's happening again and this time I don't know what to do. Confronting the person hasn't worked in the past and I'm almost afraid to loose them because they're such a constant in my life. I feel like with the people I met last year, I'm a friend of convenience. Sorta like, "we need something - help us..." and then they disappear or ignore my calls/emails/texts when I need support or have a question or just want reassurance. If I see them, things are great - but it's almost like out of sight, out of mind. I can't be a friend of convenience. I have to be selfish this year if I'm going to become the person I used to be. I lost myself in this mess of a year and in order to find myself again, I can only have positive friends around me. If that means solely relying on my 7R and Traf Girls, so be it. I will.

In other news, I'm thinking of readjusting my birthday weekend. Original game plan was to go to the Cowboys game and have a fantastic weekend with friends. But, it seems like everyone's coming and going in different directions and I don't want to be forced into a weekend I won't enjoy. Thinking spas and pool decks with my girls and selling the tickets. If anyone needs 3 Cowboys tickets, I'm your gal.


Meghan said...

I totally see you as an accomodator! You are so generous and amazing. People who take advantage of those qualities are just not good people. Those people are definitely not friends!

It is ok to say no and you shouldn't feel bad about it. You have to be selfish sometimes.

And wow, your birthday is coming up soo quick! You're getting old, Becs...

PS - When you come here, lets go get samples at Holt.

M.G.T said...

Wow Becs you put into words what I'm feeling on my end here. I reallllly need to learn how to say no. We can do it together- I practice by watching that scene in 27 Dresses- you know the one?

I love you. You deserve the best.

TeiraMarie said...

Oh Becs :)

It is great that you can see that - now friends like that aren't really worth keeping close to you. As far as I can tell it is worth it to keep these people in your life and take it for what it is - a friendship that when it is convenient works. Leave it at that and let them know you aren't going to be pushed around. You deserve people around you who are there for you - not people who want whatever you are going to give.

Love you dear!

Amanda Danae said...

Huge lesson I learned when I came back to vb. Ppl who stayed in my bed, ate my food and cried for hours on my shoulders ignored me at best and backstabbed me at worst. My circle of friends really tightened and now I'm very unlikely to say 'yes' to those who aren't really close to me!
Come to vb and we'll make it all about you... Yogurt, the beach, running... All your favorite things...
While you heal, it might be all you can do is live selfishly. Oh well.

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