Sunday, September 26, 2010

Brighter Future

Dearest friends,

I want to thank you for sticking by me during the worst beyond worst year of my life. I think I can thankfully say, without freaking out, that as of today - I've turned a corner towards a brighter future. From my job to the classes I'm taking to the friends I've made, everything seems to be falling into place.

Yes, there are obstacles I'm going to have to face from time to time, but now I know exactly what I'm made of. There's nothing I can't handle and I'm ready. It's been a rough, but refreshing week if that makes any sense. I've discovered who I want by my side and those who I can't live without.

Friends come and go through certain phases of your life. I never regret time I spend with people, but I'm learning that it's okay to move on and to head into a new direction without them. I was holding on to relationships from last year because they were my only stability during a time of chaos. In order to move forward, I need positivity and respect. If that's not available, I can't be a part of it. I'm a giver. I give and give and give, even until I have nothing left - just to see a smile on others faces. Trips, flowers, chocolates - you name it, I'm willing to give it. I will save up all my pennies and give you every overtime cheque just to see you smile. Unfortunately, that doesn't always work out in my favor. I never ask for recognition, just a simple thank you from time to time and acknowledgement that when I need you the most - you'll be there.

This week, I needed some friends desperately - especially on my birthday. I was in a strange city all by myself and my girls really came through. Opening my mailbox and reading cards from Megs, Teira, Maris, and Noe - it really reminded me that it's okay to let go of friendships that are you bringing you down and relish in those that bring positivity to your life. And the new girls here in Dallas are amazing. They've only known me for a few weeks, but the gifts they showered me with almost made me cry. I couldn't believe how kind they were. It made me question how girls I had known for less than a month could be that supportive, but friends who I thought were my soul mates last year couldn't even pick up a phone.

I kept holding out hope that last year meant something because of the people I'd met. I don't know if that's really the case anymore. Chris, Jamie, Heather, Amanda - they're amazing and I know they'll be friends for life. But, the rest of them? I don't really think they're a part of my life and I don't really know if they ever were. They relied on my generosity to the harshest extreme and it's just not something I can accept any longer. This was supposed to be my new start. So why hold onto the past? I officially tore up all documents and deleted all emails from that school. I just want to be loved for me, not what I can offer you material-wise.

So let this be the last time we speak of that awful year. There's no need to dwell any longer. I went through hell and I came out the other side. This is going to be my year to shine, my brighter future and it starts TODAY.

I love you all and you mean the world to me. Megs, Teira, Maris, Noe, Mals, Kaitlyn, Chris, and my new friends...the WORLD.

Love always,



Meghan said...

this makes me happy :)

Noelle said...

I love you! I can't wait to see you!

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